Tag Archive for: happiness

How Your Limiting Beliefs Are Sabotaging Your Happiness

How often do you wake up in the morning (or in the middle of the night) with that little voice inside your head screaming at you about your fears, failures and shortcomings?

The loop can be endless:

  • “If only you had kept your mouth shut you wouldn’t have lost that friendship.”
  • “Your kids are never going to get into a good college because you haven’t kept your eye on their grades.”
  • “Your mom’s lonely and you should be spending more time with her.”
  • “You might have had a good day today but you know that won’t last, it never does.”

You’ve been listening to these thoughts in your head for so long you take them as fact.

I’m here to tell you they’re not!

The inner dialogue you’ve been replaying in your mind for years is false and is what’s preventing you from being happy and successful.

But first what you need to understand is that the beliefs you’ve collected aren’t always negative. Even positive ones can have the unintended consequence of limiting your success and happiness.

Think about it for a minute.  If you were always told by your parents that you should be grateful for all you have, you’d probably think that’s a good thing.  On the surface it might be, but it could also prevent you from trying for a promotion at work or recognizing that your relationship is dysfunctional.

I get it because it was exactly what happened to me nine years ago. Prior to that I had been making a six-figure income but was miserable in my marriage.  I focused on work as a way not to think about how toxic my relationship had become.  It seemed as if I was surrounded by happily married couples and the message that I was hearing in my head was that I should “stick it out” for my kids.  I also convinced myself that you couldn’t have a successful career and marriage – that one had to give.  That was the message I heard from several successful working moms.  These were two beliefs that I had convinced myself were facts based on my friends’ and colleagues’ experiences.

My marriage got so bad that I finally started questioning the belief in my head that staying was the right thing for my kids and me. I realized that while my mom and dad had a great relationship that didn’t mean I was destined to and, as for my friends, well they weren’t living my reality so why should I try to live my life based on theirs? When I finally stopped playing those messages in my head it’s like a lightbulb turned on and it became abundantly clear what I needed to do.

Freeing myself from that limiting belief allowed me to make the decision to end my marriage which was ultimately the right choice for me and my kids.  It also opened the door to me finding the amazing man I’m married to today. This in turn allowed me to see that I can indeed have a healthy marriage and a successful business.

 

Are you stressed by all of the demands on your time from family and work? Get my free guide 5 Steps to Create a Chill Life.

If you would like to join a group of supportive women in midlife who are ready to get past fear and self-doubt and live life joyfully and abundantly, head over to Midlife Mavericks: Fabulous, Fierce, Females!

3 Steps For You To Become Happier

Women are incredible at taking care of everyone’s needs.  Sick kid, needy friend, busy spouse and aging parents – we’re there to heal, listen and support.  But in the midst of caring for everyone, our own needs go unmet.

Sometimes we’re aware of our feelings of sadness and frustration that our desires are unfulfilled but often we’re simply so busy getting everything done that we don’t even tune in to what our spirit is trying to tell us – that something is missing.  I’ve had some women tell me that they choose to stay so busy because they’re afraid to examine their lives and face the emptiness they’re feeling.

At some point we finally come up for air, look around and realize that our lives are nothing like we had imagined them to be.  It’s as if the curtain is pulled back and we think “how the hell did I get here?!”

Do you feel that something is missing but you’re afraid to even consider what it might be?

The good news is that we don’t have to forego our happiness and personal dreams for anyone – not even our kids.  I can’t think of a more important lesson to teach our kids than living life to its fullest and following their passion.

This isn’t living selfishly but living self-fulfilled

In my coaching practice I work with women to get back on track to living the life they intended – confidently, courageously and joyfully.

Here are the first steps in getting there:

Turn on your personal GPS – The Universe always provides us with answers but often we either ignore them out of fear or don’t hear them because of all of the “chatter” in our brain.  Women’s intuition is a very real and powerful force.  It’s our personal GPS and will most certainly get us to where we want to go.  In order to do this we need to tune inwards and the best way to do that is…..

Meditate (Yes, you can!) – It’s almost impossible for us to disconnect and simply sit in silence.  In fact, it probably feels uncomfortable.  We constantly have our “to-do” list running through our heads.

If you regularly practice meditation that’s great but I have many women tell me they’ve tried meditating but can’t.  I tell them it’s because they’re trying rather than simply being.  Try this exercise:

  • Find 10 minutes where you’re alone in your house or, if you can’t do that go park somewhere and sit in your car.
  • Close your eyes and breathe in for a count of four, hold it for a count of four and breathe out for a count of four.
  • Keep repeating this breathing and as you do focus on your breath as the air enters your lungs and leaves your nose.
  • If thoughts enter your mind don’t fight them but acknowledge them and then allow them to drift away like a cloud in the sky.

Start planning – You didn’t get to this place in your life overnight and you’re certainly not going to reinvent yourself overnight either.  This is where I work with my clients on the “3 F’s” – Focus, Filter and Forget.

Focus – Create vision boards with photos and written journal entries of exactly what you want in your life – a new job, a new home, a new partner – with as many specifics as possible.  Write out your perfect day from the moment you get up in the morning.  What do you smell? Where are you – near a beach, a city, the country? What is the temperature outside?  What do you eat?  Where do you work – a large corporation, in a home office, in a small shop? How are you dressed?

Filter – Begin filtering out friends and family members who are not supportive of your dreams or just emanate negative energy.  Don’t engage in conversations about your plans with them as they will surely find ways to discourage you.  Usually these people are unhappy themselves and, as they say, misery loves company.  Instead, surround yourself with people who will encourage you on your journey.

Forget – Let go of bad habits that will keep you from reaching your goals.  This could include unhealthy eating habits, drinking too much or smoking.  It also could be the habit of volunteering for projects that you really don’t want to participate in.  If your partner enjoys going to sporting events and that’s simply not your thing politely decline.  If friends constantly go out to expensive restaurants and you really can’t afford it take a pass and suggest some free activities instead.  The goal is to start living more authentically.

Are you living the life you intended to?  What changes would you like to see for yourself? To learn more about how I can help you, visit my coaching page here.

 

Are you stressed by all of the demands on your time from family and work? Get my free guide 5 Steps to Create a Chill Life.

If you would like to join a group of supportive women in midlife who are ready to get past fear and self-doubt and live life joyfully and abundantly, head over to Midlife Mavericks: Fabulous, Fierce, Females!