I’m no different than you.
I look at people on the street and wonder what their life story is. Not one of us is immune to heartbreak, stress, loss and major struggles. Show me someone that is, and I’ll show you a liar.
But one thing that might be a bit different is that I’ve built a business around overcoming my struggles. Actually, it’s more than a business, it’s my mission.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with my story – my first son died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, my second son has intellectual disabilities, my first marriage emotionally destroyed me and then, when I got a divorce, financially destroyed me. My second husband was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis four weeks after we were married. Today, I’m the primary caregiver for my son, husband and mom who lives with us as well as my two daughters.
For years I was exhausted and scared of what the future held for me. I was resentful that there was no one to take care of me – that I was responsible for everyone.
And then one day, after feeling incredibly sorry for myself, I snapped out of it and realized that the only person who could control my future was ME! There was no magic wand that was going to change anything – I needed to do the work. And I did. I worked my ass off building my business while also managing the house.
Did I ever think in my wildest dreams that I would build a career on helping women in midlife overcome fear and tragedy to live their best life? Absolutely not. But that’s the way life took me, and I couldn’t be happier.
And now I’m in midlife and I’m living my best life!
Originally I thought that all I ever wanted as I got older was to have peace – I was wrong. I want more – I want it all! For me “all” is having nights out dancing with girlfriends and days kayaking. It means leisurely afternoons with my husband wine tasting. It means getting out of my comfort zone and trying new things like pole dancing!
Yes, peace is important. But to me, peace is quiet and subdued. And for a while, after a chaotic marriage and major life struggles that was perfect. But now that my life has settled down I want So. Much. More.
It’s not that my husband’s disability has gone away or that I won’t be caring for my son for many years, but I’ve figured out how to make choices that personally and professionally fulfill me at the same time. I’ve learned to fit in other aspects to my life so that I don’t lose myself in the role of caregiver, mom, spouse or daughter.
Most people think wrongly that midlife means quiet and subdued. That’s until you get there, and you learn the secret – that it’s the best part of life. You can become free of the drama of your 20’s, the exhaustion of being a new parent in your 30’s. You can start living in the present moment and figuring out what you want RIGHT NOW and going for it.
Now is the time I’m being good to ME – my body, mind and soul. I choose to live in a way that nourishes my soul and is in alignment with my desires.
I’ve created a “soul-check” list for every decision I make:
- Does this feel good?
- Does this feel true?
- Is my body in agreement?
- Does this bring me inner peace/calm?
- Does this make me feel confident?
I want to pause here for a minute. Some of you are probably thinking that this is selfish. We’ve been taught to think about everyone else first. And yes, even if you have adult children you’re probably putting their needs before your own.
I have one question for you –
When do you get to live life for YOU?
Think about the last decision you made and ask yourself the questions above. But get out of your head when you answer them because that’s when the “shoulds” come into play.
When you make decisions from your soul rather than your head you will never be out of alignment and you will start living the “Hell yes!” life you’re meant to.
Want to connect with other Fabulous Fierce Females? Join our Facebook Group My Midlife Tribe: Fabulous Fierce Females!