How often do you wake up in the morning (or in the middle of the night) with that little voice inside your head screaming at you about your fears, failures and shortcomings?
The loop can be endless:
- “If only you had kept your mouth shut you wouldn’t have lost that friendship.”
- “Your kids are never going to get into a good college because you haven’t kept your eye on their grades.”
- “Your mom’s lonely and you should be spending more time with her.”
- “You might have had a good day today but you know that won’t last, it never does.”
You’ve been listening to these thoughts in your head for so long you take them as fact.
I’m here to tell you they’re not!
The inner dialogue you’ve been replaying in your mind for years is false and is what’s preventing you from being happy and successful.
But first what you need to understand is that the beliefs you’ve collected aren’t always negative. Even positive ones can have the unintended consequence of limiting your success and happiness.
Think about it for a minute. If you were always told by your parents that you should be grateful for all you have, you’d probably think that’s a good thing. On the surface it might be, but it could also prevent you from trying for a promotion at work or recognizing that your relationship is dysfunctional.
I get it because it was exactly what happened to me nine years ago. Prior to that I had been making a six-figure income but was miserable in my marriage. I focused on work as a way not to think about how toxic my relationship had become. It seemed as if I was surrounded by happily married couples and the message that I was hearing in my head was that I should “stick it out” for my kids. I also convinced myself that you couldn’t have a successful career and marriage – that one had to give. That was the message I heard from several successful working moms. These were two beliefs that I had convinced myself were facts based on my friends’ and colleagues’ experiences.
My marriage got so bad that I finally started questioning the belief in my head that staying was the right thing for my kids and me. I realized that while my mom and dad had a great relationship that didn’t mean I was destined to and, as for my friends, well they weren’t living my reality so why should I try to live my life based on theirs? When I finally stopped playing those messages in my head it’s like a lightbulb turned on and it became abundantly clear what I needed to do.
Freeing myself from that limiting belief allowed me to make the decision to end my marriage which was ultimately the right choice for me and my kids. It also opened the door to me finding the amazing man I’m married to today. This in turn allowed me to see that I can indeed have a healthy marriage and a successful business.
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If you would like to join a group of supportive women in midlife who are ready to get past fear and self-doubt and live life joyfully and abundantly, head over to Midlife Mavericks: Fabulous, Fierce, Females!